It Is Not About Winning

This is not about winning. Life is not about winning. People and how you treat them are not about winning. You win spades and you high-five your partner as you cross out your opponent’s name and write “lose” huge across their side of the scorecard. You win a war when everyone stops dying and the aggressors start trading freely with support from their happy citizens. You win a bet 53.9% of the time if your team is playing the San Diego Padres. There is no winning when your neighbor treats your brother, your mother, or you like garbage.

When our neighbor claims to be intelligent and morally advanced only by the metric that they are “more intelligent” and “morally superior” to our sister, there is no winning. Our neighbor, Y, feels like he is winning when he stands on others’ shoulders to call himself tall. Y is living an empty existence as she rides the dichotomy of her superiority complex and her internalized victimhood. She is righteous in her enlightenment which drives her obligation to “educate” her co-workers, friends, and acquaintances all about the latest ideas she regurgitates as if they were her own. He deserves our pity when he is forced to deny those lowly souls his wisdom; when his friends are taken from him through his choice to excommunicate them without warning. He is the victim when his friends try to help but he is too fragile to hear he is wrong. So he makes the announcement that his friends are now his enemies and his enemies are vile bigots for expressing thoughts or feelings he was not told to have. We all need to say he is a brave and stunning king in the comments of his Facebook post highlighting his incredible intelligence and unmatched morality in contrast to lifelong relationships he just threw away without reflection or compassion.

Yaaaassssssss Queen! Label everyone you know! Call them rednecks! Deplorables! Stupid! If they are white call them racist! And if they are not, never let them forget! Remind them every time you open your mouth!

“Dr Mister Royal Hampton, I am a WHITE WOMAN” – “and I need you to know my ‘best’ friend is BIPOC”
-Umm, Y…. You could just say my name is Thomas. And I like the White Chicks quote, but stop writing your letter and let’s get back to the point of your bigoteering ways, Ms SJW.

Make sure your white fragility is seen from sea to shining sea. Make sure it is seen before anyone or anything else so we all know you are an ally. Tell us who you are before your actions show us the truth. When your boss expects more from you, tell me how that job is beneath you. When I want to contribute, make sure I know I am unworthy. At the first sign of a critical and diverse thought, shut down your brain and ears. Divert all energy supplies straight to your mouth. Remember, he who talks the loudest is heard the clearest. That should make you win the fight against yourself.

This has been the embodiment of Y in distress. They put others down to feel high. Y is being truly hurtful, but they should not be hurt in return. When I witness a fragile person hide behind sharp words I get angry. I become absolutely enraged. My fight or flight responses scream. My anger will never help us come to an understanding, though. When Y plays the victim card or Y belittles others it is because Y feels unimportant. His huge muscles and huger ego cannot hide his insecurities. This feeling probably stems from years of interactions and experiences that have nothing to do with me or you. Knowing that never makes it feel better to be treated as inferior. Remember that pain when you are hurting and you start to act with hate toward others.

Being mean to people, marginalizing people, projecting insecurities, and demanding pity are not natural behaviors. Acting that way does not make Y-ou or me a bad person. They are probably in just as much or more pain than the rest of us. I want to love them. Because hate is not about winning. It is about pain. Instead of talking about our hate, we can be about love.

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