New year. Same.

Life is a Kansas City shuffle. You look left, it goes right.

COVID gives you a reason to fear others’ health and opinions. Gas will never be under $2 in California again. Your neighbor is a stubborn, pig headed moron who will never align with your political agenda. If you made a little extra money your girlfriend would like you, you could drive a nicer car, and you’d finally start eating healthy. If you lost that baby fat Sarah wouldn’t have left you after you cheated on her, refused to take her on dates, and treated her as an afterthought.

You can look at your problems all day long. You can complain about them. You can imagine a world where those problems don’t exist. But if COVID was gone you’d still over eat and give your yourself diabetes to guarantee your life is shortened and less enjoyable. If gas was cheap you still wouldn’t use it to go see your mom. If your neighbor voted like you then you’d start gossiping about his choice in company. If you made more money you’d spend it on the same bullshit that doesn’t make you happy now. If you finally lost those three pounds you’d still be a self-absorbed jerk who hasn’t figured out what’s important.

One January doesn’t erase thirty-one December. It doesn’t give you a fresh start. You get one fresh start. After you’re born you just get to keep correcting course every time you make a decision you dislike. You can blame the symptoms or you can fix the cause. When you die, your job won’t remember you. The car you drove won’t care that someone else is driving it. Your neighbors won’t stop living on that street.

Everyday, you get the opportunity to treat others with love. I imagine my death almost everyday. When I get to the point that I reminisce or judge my existence I never think, “I really earned my salary that day.” I have never thought, “wow, I’m glad I told that guy off.” I never want to think, “I used her, and it was awesome.” My biggest regrets are how I mistreated people, and my biggest pieces of joy are how I treated people well.

You don’t get the first day of the year to reinvent yourself. You get everyday of every year to be love. I have complained constantly. I have been fueled by hate and discontent. Sometimes I justify my hate with how much I care about helping others live a more perfect life. That’s the lie I tell myself when I complain that the staff at Taco Bell forgot my chips. Really, I just want to feel better and more important than someone.

I choose to be love just a little more often lately. Life; existence doesn’t make sense. How can something come from nothing? So why make sense from nonsense? I’m already here. I don’t have much of a choice to exist. I might as well love those around me as best as I can. They will be happier for it, and so will I. Complaining, hate, and discontent names nobody happy. I want to help the world be a happier place because I love you. Thank you for being loved.

The Kansas City shuffle in life is that it is so easy to get caught in what others tell you is important, but the really important things continue without you. The next time I get cutoff in traffic I’m going to call my mom to let her know how much she means to me.

2 thoughts on “New year. Same.

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